You see them everywhere: chatting, smiling, quietly contemplating world peace as they suck on the ends of their Ray-Bans. You want to talk to them, but you wonder if there's any point. After all, you aren't a billionaire. You don't model underwear. You aren't even an actor in rehab.
We are speaking, of course, about the universal beauties you've always assumed were beyond your grasp. Well, you're wrong. In reality, great- looking women fall for nice guys like you, guys who have only one thing you lack: a strategy.
To this end, we have probed the minds of leading relationship experts and the lives of regular guys who have taken their modest, farm-team talent to the Big Show. From the evidence gathered, we have compiled a definitive, eight-point plan to help you attract and keep all those women you've been fantasizing about.
The really good news? None of our steps requires mail-order aphrodisiacs.
1. Show her you're a gutsy guy.
Because most men are intimidated by overwhelming looks, the amount of competition for beautiful women is much smaller than you might think. In fact, the reason many unassuming guys are with knockouts is simple: They were the only ones who took the risk.
"Two of the main traits beautiful women are attracted to in men are power and self- confidence," says Warren Farrell, Ph.D., author of The Myth of Male Power and an expert on man-woman relations.
"If a man is intimidated by a woman's looks, she assumes he's going to be intimidated by the world in general." A guy who takes a risk, however, exudes power by overcoming the initial desire to run when he comes face-to-face with stunning beauty. And while perfect 10s get zillions of propositions from newly brave yokels soaked with alcohol, they encounter comparatively few serious (and sober) suitors. You can score big points with a beautiful woman simply by making a mature, confident approach and by treating her like a normal person--which is probably what she is, underneath that leather mini and skimpy halter top.
2. Worship at the altar of larry king.
The talk- show host and serial husband is living proof that you can't predict what women will find attractive. "Sometimes beautiful women prefer a handsome man, and sometimes they don't; sometimes they prefer a wealthy man, and sometimes they don't," observes David Deida, a lecturer on the sexes and author of The Way of the Superior Man.
Although you may not need extraordinary looks or money to attract a ravishing woman, you do need something. So use your best social selling points when you approach her. My buddy, an ad sales representative in San Diego, says humor works well for him. "If you can make a woman laugh, you can probably make her do anything," he says. He recounts one occasion when he approached a woman at a club and offered to buy her a drink. She curtly refused. He then asked her to dance and received the same response. He finally asked, "Well, can I just stand here?" She laughed despite herself, and within minutes he had her name and phone number.
3. Don't hit on her; talk to her.
The problem with an opening line is that it's just that--one sentence that seldom leads to anything.
Him: "Hey, you come here a lot?"
Her: "No."
Him: "Oh."
Besides, most good-looking women have had more lines tossed their way than the entire Wallenda family put together.
You'll fare better by starting a real conversation. Farrell recommends hunting for something the two of you have in common, no matter how small. Asking her advice on the relative ripeness of melons in the produce aisle just might punch your ticket. It's been done before, but it demonstrates that you value her opinion.
Another guy I know, a software entrepreneur in San Francisco, made eye contact with Ellen one morning on his commuter bus. She was a knockout; he's an average guy with a big nose. "When I saw her on the same bus a couple weeks later," he says, "I told her, `I was hoping to see you here again. Do you work downtown?'" She responded, and they were off.
4. Don't intimidate her.
What? You intimidate her? You bet. Most guys fail to appreciate that romantic approaches make even the prettiest of women just as nervous as they make you. Making her feel comfortable will calm you both down and improve your odds of success. Smiling, asking for advice ("My parents are coming to town-- what show should I take them to?") and listening attentively (think about follow-up questions, not about her breasts) are proven ways to put her at ease. "Even the way you breathe makes a difference," adds Deida. (Think slow and deep. And don't drool.)
5. Focus on something other than her looks.
"Beautiful women are like a second-term president: insecure," says Farrell. "They know their powers are ephemeral, and that one day, inevitably, someone will replace them." (Pray it's not Gore!)
So, even at the height of their radiance, women like to be appreciated. When courting her, catalog her subtler virtues and let her know you admire them. Also, compliment her appearance at the moments when she feels least beautiful-- when she's sweaty, tired, or just waking up.
6. But don't ignore her looks.
A lot of men believe you should never let a woman know you think she's beautiful because it puts you in a "vulnerable" position. That's a load of bull.
Gorgeous women know they're beautiful, and they know you know it. If you try too hard to play it cool, they simply see you for what you are: a phony. But while you don't want to mask your attraction, neither do you want to express it lewdly ("Nice rack") or in a manner that fails to distinguish you from the scores of other guys who compliment her ("Gee, you're pretty").
Instead, focus on the quieter aspects of her loveliness. "Beautiful women are suspicious of the grand compliment," says Farrell. Tell her you like the way she wrinkles her nose when she smiles or the way she tilts her head when she talks to you. Notice things that only women notice amongst themselves-- how well her scarf matches her eyes--and you'll impress her with your sensitivity and powers of observation. Either that or she'll think you're a closet Elsa Klensch fan.
7. Use your brain, not your wallet.
If your intended is as great-looking as you think she is, she'll still have plenty of opportunities to date other men--rich men, actually, with silvery hair and tight little convertibles. That's just something you have to accept.
Because men tend to associate female beauty with sex, we often mistakenly assume that a beautiful girlfriend is a sex object waiting to be bought by a higher bidder. In the rare case that it's true, say good riddance to the superficial bimbo. Otherwise, advises Deida, "the best way to encourage fidelity is to show her what she'd be missing if she weren't with you. Challenge her beyond her expectations." Does she like to dance? Sign up for ballroom lessons. Does she like to paint? Keep her in brushes. If a woman recognizes that you not only make her happy but also help her grow, she won't want to lose you.
8. Don't tie her down.
A ravishing woman has too much beauty for you to hog. Grow up and let her share it with the world. "When a woman realizes that her beauty is a gift, that it can bring joy to other people, then her beauty deepens and she becomes radiant," says Deida.
By encouraging her to smile, strut and show off, you won't lose a piece of her beauty; you'll gain a grateful chunk of her heart--a chunk she has probably never shared with a guy before. What about other guys, who will try to steal her? Your extreme options are to fight or flee, but both choices are foolish. Instead, says my software-selling buddy, "steal the guy's attention yourself and strike up a conversation. When he finds out you're a nice guy, he won't want to disrespect you." If he does, that's where a martial-arts background really comes in handy.
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